For a charming and handsome guy like Lord Hosni, nothing frightens him most but his over-long hair. And why such things should frighten him? It is just because that means he needs a haircut.
Then just go to a damn barbershop and get a damn haircut! Or a hair saloon fer God sake!
No. Not that easy. Well, it is really frightening for me to get a haircut from a barber as the first thing the barber would ask is;
Nok potong wane? (How would you like your hair to be cut?)
That is the most frightening question for me! I knew nothing about hairstyles! What should I say then? If I say something, he would definitely cut the way that I did not meant to!
What if I say slope? Wait! I dunno what the hell slope haircut look like! What if I say layer? Err, how does a layer haircut actually look? Or maybe I should just quote directly from Mr Squarepants - Jig me down, make me round! Hell no.
Then of course to make myself look clever and to portray myself as a student in the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme, I will say in a lazy tone;
Macang hok bese ah..pendek.. Stai oghang kije jabak (like usual, just the common one. Short like those office workers you know)
The haircutting machine will start making noise and cutting the masterpiece on my head. One by one my hair falls on my shoulder. Then my face seems to be rounder and rounder, telling me how fat I am by making all the blubber and double chin become clearer and more visible.
Owh! I hate it when I have to get my hair short. Why my hair should continuously divide itself mitotically when it has already grow to the extent that I want as well as obeying the college rule? Why can’t I let it grow long nyway? Why the Seremban IB World School have to forbid their students from having long hair?
I have so long wanted a long uncut hair you know. Like Ramli Sarip or A Samad Said, you name it. You just wait. And when the time come where you will see my hair just like theirs, bear in mind that that time I have already been banished by my parents.
Then as my imagination fly way across the seven seas, come again those bloody questions;
Atah nok nipih dop? (Do you want your top hair here to be trimmed??)
Blakang nok akak kek dop? (Do you want to have your back hair thinned?)
Tepi ni nok wat gane eh? (How would you like me to cut your hair on the side?)
Saik beng nok sipang dop? ( Do you want to keep your side burn?)
Again, lazy tones by a student of the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme greet the questions sluggishly with lots of “errrr” and “hmmm” as well as “aaaaa”.
They story will end with a green and a blue note withdrawn from my wallet and handed in to the barber. Thanks to the Kuala Terengganu Barber Association who had it fixed already. RM6 for an ADULT like me. These days, barbers can be very cekik darah you know. A few minutes staring at the mirror while twisting my neck right left, with my eyes actively moving and focusing on each part of my hair accompanied by the voice of the barber ;
“Molek dop?” (Is it ok?)
“Ke nok pendek gi?” (Or you want it shorter?)
Repeated over and over again with his face which full of hope, until I say;
“Bulih a ni...” (Well, this is just nice..)
Was I honest with my answer? I also have no idea. I told you that I know nothing about hairstyle. I don’t even know how to comment other people’s hairstyle or even mine! Well, I just answer like that to comfort myself.
Is my new hair OK or not?
I don’t really care.